I'm so frustrated. I wish I could feel successful at something. I wish I could know what the future holds. I wish I could be with my family more. I wish I was good at my job. I wish, I wish I wish...

TAGGED!!!

Liz tagged me to do this.

The rules of the game:Mention the person that tagged you. Complete the lists of 8. Tag 8 of your blog friends.

Eight Things I am Looking Forward To:
1. the weekend
2. buying a camping trailer
3. going camping with friends this summer
4. finishing my class
5. getting my real estate license
6. eating Fricano's pizza for dinner (stole this from Liz. sounds great!)
7. going golfing with Tony. (he golfs, I drive the cart)
8. getting organized


Eight Things I did Yesterday
1. ate breakfast
2. played on the computer
3. went to work
4. went to a soccer game
5. watered the garden
6. went to field day at the kids' school
7. stalked craigslist for a trailer
8. watched TV with Tony

Eight Things I wish I could do:
1. know the future
2. lose 20 pounds
3. finish daily tasks before I run out of 'day'
4. get my kids to stop arguing
5. be more successful
6. see without contacts/glasses
7. fly
8. convince my dog that it's OK to be calm and lazy in the house

Eight TV Shows I watch (this is the easiest one!):
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Private Practice
3. All My Children
4. Here Come The Newlyweds
5. Desperate Housewives
6. News
7. Food Detectives
8. The Bachelor/Bachelorette

Now I'll tag 8 people that I think look at my blog at times:
1. Amy
2. Angela
3. Janelle
4. Jamie
5. Jenn
6. Erin
7. Jerry
8. Linda

I want to share a song composed by 22 month old Kaden (still nursing).

He sings this to me in the sweetest voice, usually after I've been gone all day.

"Ahhhh Boob
Ahhhh Boob
Boob Boob Boob
Ahhhh Boob"

School Choices

Last summer, I really wanted to put the kids into private school. Some people said that if we just had faith, God would provide a way for my kids to go to the Christian school. Unfortunately, even with the income-based discounts, there was just no way we could come up with the extra money. Wanting something and having faith doesn't make money appear, and it's not like I could just cut other expenses- there was nothing left to cut. In the end, we decided that having electricity and heat was more important than sending the kids to a school that we can't afford ;-)

Now, I am back to wondering what school to send the kids to in the fall. I've been mostly happy with the charter school that they attend. But I'm not so sure that "mostly happy" is good enough. There are some influences there that I would like to avoid. But is there any guarantee that I would avoid those influences in a Christian school? And even if I could, would we just find a new set of problems?

I can scrape together the money for the school this year, but I don't want to spend such a large chunk of money on the school if it isn't really going to make a difference, you know? I know people who say that the school made a big difference in their kids's lives. But how can you measure that? I think the biggest influence is the home that the kids are raised in. But on the other hand, I don't like that the kids go to school and get exposed to things I don't like. decisions, decisions...

Anyone care to weigh in?

I was talking with another mom today. She was telling me about how she recently went from part-time work to full time work. She hasn't gotten the hang of balancing work and family yet. She is trying to let some things go, such as whether or not the kids' clothes match. Some days, she feels like she's not doing a great job as a mom...

I can relate.

I'm overwhelmed. I am so blessed and thankful to have a great job, especially with the economy the way it is. I even like my job. But I feel like I'm letting my family down. I'm so busy that I'm starting to miss out on some things. *sigh*

The following is a paper that Rae Ann wrote as an assignment in her 3rd grade class:

MY BROTHER'S FIRST STEPS

It was late afternoon in the middle of summer when my baby brother finally did it! He walked for the first time! It was so awesome. When he came up to me, he fell because it was so hard to come all the way to me from across the yard. I was so excited for his success, but at the same time, I was sad because it made me realize that Kaden is growing up faster than I thought.

It makes me realize that my family has to baby proof my house a LOT more! For instance, we could put gates on the stairs, or we can get cabinet latches for the kitchen so we can even get into the kitchen!

Now I can play lots more games with my baby- or should I say my big boy! We could dance, watch TV, play with pretend kitchen, or listen to music. It is so fun!

Now that I know that Kaden is walking, he will also be climbing soon. It scares me because he could fall down the stairs and get hurt really badly, or he could fall off the couch! That is really scary! We need to really watch now. Not that we didn't before, but just way more!

As you can see, Kaden is growing up faster than I thought. Now he is getting to be a big boy.

by Rae Ann Evans

I am not a fan of winter AT ALL! But my kids are really enjoying it. I took this picture earlier this week when Kaden had his first experience playing in the snow. He loved it!

A couple people who have babies around the same age as Kaden have asked Tony why we still have Kaden in a rear-facing car seat. The short answer is because it is the safest option. While it's true that we can legally put a baby into a front-facing car seat when they reach 12 months old AND 20 pounds, that doesn't mean it is safe. I didn't always know this. I made the poor decision of turning some of my other kids around in the car seat before I should have because I didn't know any better back then. Babies/toddlers should stay in the rear-facing position until they outgrow the limits of the seat they are in. For Kaden, that will probably happen between the ages of 2-3 years old.

Here's a video that can explain it better, showing the difference between front and rear facing seats. Take a look, and take a moment to reconsider whether or not your child is in the safest position.

"Look it"

Several weeks ago, I noticed that my kids were saying "look it" whenever they wanted someone to look at something. Since that is such bad grammer, I pointed out that "lookit" isn't a word, and now we are all making an effort to use better grammer. Now that we are aware of it, we notice how much other people say it.

Kaylee is trying to educate the other students in her Kindergarten class. Everytime someone says it, she lets them know it isn't a word. Then when she comes home from school, she gives us a full report on everyone who said "lookit" in her class, and lets us know that she is trying to fix the problem....LOL.

Stupid Old Man at Meijer

Usually when we are out shopping with Kaden people stop to say he's cute, ask how old he is, etc. Today, however, and old man came up to us to ask if we feed Kaden enough.

Sometimes people say that jokingly because Kaden eats pretty much constantly, so it funny to joke about how he's starving and we never ever feed him.

But this man was serious. He asked again if we feed him enough "because he is so skinny and pale". I try to be polite to every one, even stupid rude people. So we just kinda looked at him funny and moved on.

But first of all, he isn't "so skinny". He is in the 50th percentile for weight. None of my other kids were as big as he is at this age. The doctor always says it is obvious that he is very healthy. I'm just floored that a complete stranger thought he needed to point out that it looks like we don't know how to properly care for our baby.

Oh yeah.. and he is "so pale", huh? Have you seen his mommy??? I mean, I was right there next to him. Is it unhealthy to have light skin now?

Stupid people should talk less.

Every year, there is a costume contest and potluck at Tony's work. I picked out his costume this year because I found it to be especially funny this year. I love that he wears whatever I pick out for him. There was a hat with it, but he wanted me to paint stripes on his head instead, and he was brave enough to get me out of bed early to do that.
Yup, that's me, just minutes after being dragged out of bed. Isn't he sweet to take a morning picture?? (as a side note, I see it's time for me to clear the mess of notes off of the fridge)

Tony wanted mug shots.

Here he is on his way to work (this "convict" must have gotten work release), complete with his ball and chain, and some yummy jello w/bananas to share at the potluck (LOL)

edited to add: Tony won $50 for 3rd prize in the costume contest at work! Yay! Oh, and imagine all the looks he was getting when we stopped at Meijer...LOL.

We are already planning next year's costume.

This was a GREAT shopping trip!
Total Spent: $8.22
Total Savings: $36.33 (combined sales and coupons)

It's so much fun when I am able to get such a great deal. It's like a game, and I get an excited "high" from this sort of thing. I'm going to go back today and do a similar purchase now that I know for sure that my plan worked.

Here's what I got for my $8.22:
2 bunches of bananas
2 avocados
Parmesan cheese
2 dozen eggs
20 boxes of jello
2 boxes of cereal bars
OJ
32 oz coffee creamer
2 bags of candy

When Tony first got the box of costumes out, Kaden really took a liking to the ladybug costume. The next day, I put the tigger costume on him to see how it fit. Once it was on, he went right over to the box and pulled out the ladybug costume again. We actually have two of them- one pink and one red. The pink one seems to be his favorite. He just HAD to wear it.
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Oh yeah... that black thing in his hand... I'm pretty sure that's a gernade (part of big brother's army costume). LOL

A couple weeks ago, my church and another church decided to merge and become one (or was it more of a take-over?). It's kinda like a marriage. In order to become one, both sides (one more than the other) give up certain things. There is a lot of adjustment involved. The newness is both stressful and exciting.
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Limbo is over. It's a little bit sad. It's so final, and it almost seems like a betrayal to the church we used to be. But we will never be that church again, so we must pick ourselves up and move on.
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I don't mean to sound like this is a bad thing. There is a lot of good that comes out of this new mix. I love the new people in our church family. It's just that I am still mourning the loss of so many friends that have left during the last 8 months. Wondering why. Not understanding.
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hmm... my intention was for this to be an excited blog post. I guess it didn't quite work out that way.

"In better hands now"

I just saw the music video to this song (by Natalie Grant). Before seeing the video, I thought the song was about being protected and "in better hands" once you give your life over to Christ (agreed). It seems I wasn't exactly on the same page with what the artist was saying though. She seems to be talking about when we go to Heaven. That's great and I agree, of course. But I guess I am just not in the place where I can handle the reality for those left behind. The song is meant to give those who are hurting peace and comfort. Instead, I am feeling more traumatized by the images than anything. The video isn't graphic at all. But to see the agony of a mother holding an empty baby blanket, to see the little boy running slow motion into the road to get his ball while a car is coming...it's just too much. I don't want to let my kids out of my sight. I don't want to drive anywhere. It all just seems to risky. But the reality is that if it is God's time, nothing I do or don't do is going to change that.

God, please protect my family from separation or harm (especially while we are all so young). Let us continue to live for You here on earth for years to come, and give us peace that Your plan is always the one that is best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BvcrnqUNPc

The other day, I asked my kids what they had for lunch at school. My 10-year-old son explained that there was a burrito, a cookie, and some other stuff. But then he said "but I didn't eat the cookie". It's rather shocking that a child would be given a cookie and then not eat it, so I asked him why. He said "because I traded it for another burrito"...LOL. So he had 2 burritos for lunch, while his buddy had 2 cookies. That reminds me of when I was on a field trip with him a year ago. A kid at his table inquired about Andrew's dessert. Pretty soon Andrew had traded his dessert for the other child's string cheese. They were both very happy about their trade. I think Andrew has made a reputation for himself as someone who will trade perfectly good treats for regular, healthy food. Isn't that great? (well probably not so great, according to the parents of the kids who are trading with him and having just 2 cookies for lunch...)

Back to School Time!

During the past few weeks people have been asking the kids and I if we are excited that school is about to start. Up until last week the answer from all of us was "no". The kids weren't done enjoying their summer. I wasn't ready to go back to a structured schedule with the kids. Plus, I enjoy having them home (most of the time, anyway). But last week something changed. I guess we all had about enough of each other. The kids started getting very annoying; arguing, picking on each other, complaints of being bored. We all started looking forward to the start of school and the changes that would come with it.

The kids are back at Timeberland this year. We spent 5 years with Timberland, and then we went to a different school last year. Three Oaks, which is only a couple blocks from our home had a great preschool program for Kaylee, while Timberland did not. We decided to switch school so the kids would all be at the same place. We like most things about Three Oaks, mostly that it was a small school and we liked how close it was. The teachers were great too. As much as we liked Timberland, we were thinking about staying at Three Oaks, mostly because of how close it is to home. But then, a "failing" charter school in the area was shut down due to it's poor test scores. It wasn't our school, so it shouldn't have affected us, right? WRONG. The failing school's management company decided to take over Three Oaks. Our principal and many of our teachers were fired and replaced by staff from the failing school. They also brought busses to Three Oaks in order to transport all the students from the school that was closed. What happened to the school was wrong on so many levels that we didn't even have to think about whether we would send our kids there this year. That door had clearly been closed.

For some reason, I looked into the local Christian school, which is also only a couple blocks from home. I think that would be a wonderful school to send my kids to, a bit of a dream come true. Unfortunately, even with a reduced tuition fee there was no way we could make it happen. We prayed about it daily, knowing that if it was God's plan for the kids to go there, HE would make it happen. It seems that it wasn't his plan for now, and that's OK. Not only were we not able to afford the school, but they were also rather rigid with their policy that children need to turn 5 by September 1st in order to start Kindergaten (state law says they need to turn 5 by December 1). While I agree that it is best in most situations to let the kids do a year of DK when they are one of the younger ones, I do not agree that it is best for every child. Kaylee is more than ready for regular Kindergarten, and if we did go to that school, I would have to either put up a huge fight to get what's best for her, or just hold her back because they said so.

All three kids have great teachers. I requested Kaylee's teacher because that teacher seemed to really want Kaylee in her class, and I really like the teacher's aide. Rae Ann has a teacher that we had a couple of years ago for her step-brother. We have always liked her and she is great with both students and parents. Andrew has a male teacher for the first time ever, which I am excited about because the teacher seems to have a lot of things in common with Andrew which doesn't happen as much with female teachers. Also, a good friend of his from boy scouts is in his class. It's nice to be back at Timberland. It feels like we belong there.

I have already been able to get more things done around the house with 3 of the kids gone, and it's only 11am! They are quite helpful in doing chores around the house, but it's amazing how much faster it goes when I just do it myself. It will also be much easier to keep Kaden on a schedule he is happy with since his sister won't be here to wake him from his nap minutes after he drifts off to sleep.

Oh what fun it is to ride...

Our friends have invited us to go out on their boat with them several times this summer. It's fun to cruise around the lake, to stop and swim, and to go tubing. Well this time, they have a huge tube for 3 people. We spent hours taking turns on it today.

Even Kaylee wanted to try it out. She had a blast! That's her on the tube with Tony and Brad, airborne!

Kaden loves to ride the boat too. He is pretty good at keeping his balance while the boat is going.

Rae Ann had a blast on the tube too, of course. But she loves to help out with the little ones too. That's a good thing, because when there are 2 adults on the water, that means there are 2 adults left on the boat, one to drive, and one to watch the tube making it a little bit difficult to tend to the little kids. Have no fear, Rae Ann is here!

We fed the ducks on the way through the channel. They must have really appreciated it, because pretty soon they were chasing us for more. Aren't the little baby ducks cute?

Ah... it's so nice to feel the the warm breeze, sitting in the front of the boat.

In contrast, here is a picture taken in February...

July 12, 2008
Just another busy day…(a post about nothing, really)
Tony volunteered for Last Call Ministry last night, so he got home around 3am. We got up around 8:30 to get Andrew ready for his Boy Scout camping day. Andrew was picked up by his friend’s dad. We headed out to Grand Rapids to meet my family at Mongolian BBQ. We haven’t done this for at least a couple years. My kids don’t like the food there, so we let the girls spend the night/day with my friend Liz. They always seem to have a great time together. After we ate, we headed to Dunkin Donuts. We always try to make a point to go there when we are in GR. Those donut holes are so darn good!! Next, we went to Baby depot inside Burlington Coat Factory. Except we forgot where it was, so we wasted some time driving around looking for it. But Tony has this new program on his phone, so he had a map and the phone number to the place. That helped…LOL. I don’t know how we managed to forget where it was, since we go there almost every time we go to GR. Usually when I get lost in GR, I call my brother in law so he can get me un-lost, but he was at a wedding right then so we were on our own…LOL. Anyway, we had to go to Baby depot because the strollers at Walmart are attached to a high shelf with zip ties, so we can’t try them out. Baby Depot has like a hundred strollers on the floor to test drive. We already have 2 strollers. But the trunk space in our Expedition sucks. Our big stroller won’t fit at all. And our other stroller takes up the entire trunk, so we can’t store anything else. Crazy, huh? If we still had a mini van it would be a non issue. But really, we need a small stroller. So we were debating between 4 strollers, based on the size (folded) and several other features. The sales lady came and spoke highly of one of them, and then asked if we folded it a second time… excuse me? A second time you say?? This thing fold in half, and then folds in half again. Then you can throw it over your shoulder and carry it just like a folding lawn chair (the kind in a bag)! So Tony says “we’ll take it!!” LOL… we weren’t really there to buy it right then. We just wanted to test them out. So now Kaden has this really cool stroller. He thinks he is just the coolest baby in town with his new ride. Seriously, he is thrilled. Later, my friend gave me a kiddie pool. So I put some water in it and let Kaden “swim” in it. He loved it. Eventually, I took his diaper off so he could just go skinny dipping. He was thrilled when he saw the new “accessory” that he usually keeps hidden in his diaper. He squealed and everything when he saw it. My brother came to help Tony put a new window in the basement. We packed up the car and truck to go join Andrew at his camp out. Tony would be spending the night there, while I would be going home with the other kids. When we got there, we noticed that we forgot Kaylee’s shoes since she was still sleeping when she got put in the car. Rae Ann was nice and shared her crocks with Kaylee. Tony and I took Kaylee and Kaden down to see the sun set. Kaylee always has cute, insightful things to say. I said “You sure are smart. How did you get so smart?” I fully intended to get some credit here, because I am convinced that I have a lot to do with her smarts. So she thought about it a moment and then revealed that she is so smart “because of Mary Beth”. This is a dear friend of ours, who does in fact contribute to the intelligence of our children and their love of God. But Tony and I just looked at each other and busted out laughing. So much for getting any credit for making her smart…LOL. Our kids were very well-behaved at the camp out. Eventually, we went home, leaving Tony and Andrew to spend the night at camp. We did prayer time, and when Rae Ann mentioned “daddy and Andrew at camp” in her prayer, Kaylee fell apart. She couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping at home without daddy here. She was so pathetic about it. She suggested that we could drive right back up there and bring them home so she could sleep. Isn’t that sweet?