1 Peter 3: ^1-4

Cultivate Inner Beauty

The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition." (The Message)

I like this one too. My own marriage reflects this biblical piece of advice. Tony would say that I am a good wife, responsive to his needs. There was a time when he was misled about Truth and the grace of God. But Tony was captivated by something about me. He wanted to know more. He likes my outward appearance. But what he loves is my inner disposition and what he sees as 'holy beauty'. This has helped transform him. It has encouraged him to be a better man.

But let me be clear. I am not a perfect example of what a wife should be. I have had my days or seasons when my inner disposition was not very attractive. Maybe I thought I had a right to act that way because I was hurt, annoyed, overwhelmed, or because Tony wasn't treating me the way I thought I should be treated. It doesn't matter though. It's all sin. Excuses don't excuse it. My bad attitude did nothing to glorify God.

Awhile back, I made a conscious effort to act like a pleasant, content person- even if that isn't exactly the way I felt. Sometimes in life, there are going to be times when I wish things were different. But if I am determined to find good things about life anyway, and decide that I can be content even when things aren't perfect, it will make life better for those around me. I found out that it makes life better for me too. My inner disposition sets the tone for my husband to want be a better man. And this must be why God has instructed this of me.

1 Peter 5:^4-5

"When God, who is the best shepherd of all, comes out in the open with his rule, he'll see that you've done it right and commend you lavishly. And you who are younger must follow your leaders. But all of you, leaders and followers alike, are to be down to earth with each other, for—

God has had it with the proud,
But takes delight in just plain people. " (The Message)

I like this. I've noticed that I'm drawn to the more down to earth people. I'm at ease around them. I enjoy their company. I like them.

People who are proud and/or thing they are more important than they are annoy me. I try to avoid them. I feel a little sorry for them.

I guess God kinda feels the same way.

In our small group we decided to read the book of James this week and discuss things that stuck out to us. The questions we are answering are: 1.What spoke to you, and 2. what are you going to do about it?

James 1:¹² "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. "

This is good and comforting news to me. My family has been through so much. More than I ever thought we could handle. In the hardest times, we clung to Jesus to carry us through. We were forever changed. We are stronger from it. There are reasons, still unknown to me, why it all happened. But God has used it for good and to bring glory to him. When I am hurting, due to the lingering effects of injustice, I will read over this verse in an attempt to find comfort in Him.

James 1:²⁶ "Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.
James 3:^9-12 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. ¹⁰ Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. ¹¹ Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? ¹² My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water"

I took note of this as well. It's not that I have a major struggle with my mouth. But I have found myself in situations where I may have let my venting to friends turn into a bit of gossipy thing. I don't want any part of that. I want to be a person who says good things about people, in front of them and behind their back. If I need to share my hurts and frustrations with a friend, I want to do it in a way that would not be hurtful to anyone else. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal to everyone, but I want it to be a big deal to me. God has been convicting me on this. I thank Him for making me uncomfortable in situations that aren't pleasing to Him. It's not irony that soon after He started opening my eyes to the 'little things' in this matter, one good friend wrote a blog about this very subject. Then, around the same time, another good friend started feeling convicted about the same thing. I love how God works like that!

Another thing that I started thinking when I read this is about how some people have hurt me by failing to reign in their own tongue. Loved ones who consider themselves Christians have said off base, unacceptable things about me and my family to others. That is something that is between them and God. I don't want to judge them on what they do. But I don't want to be like them. I want God to help me to forgive because I want to move and and no longer give them the power to hurt me.

James 4:¹ What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?

This goes along with the other things that stuck out to me. It relates to my previous paragraph because it explains why someone might say stupid things to or about me. It stems from their own problems that they haven't dealt with. It also explains why I sometimes find myself doing the same thing- because I'm messed up in some ways and there are always going to be personal battles that need to be dealt with in order to make me shine in the image of God.

Also, there tends to be quarreling in a home with 4 kids, ranging from ages 13 to 4. We all have some "desires that battle within" us. If you look at the bottom line of most arguments, it really does come down to this. I don't know what I'm going to do about this information, but knowing this and seeing it come straight out of the bible might make it easier to understand some of the quarreling that happens. Maybe we can start looking at the unmet need and battle with in each of the kids when they are having an out-of-control time in their life.

If you are calling a business to ask for information on several places for rent, wouldn't it make sense to locate your pen and paper before making the call? It's surprising to me how many people call, completely unprepared too receive information.

It's also surprising to me how many people would like to rent a place that actually costs more than their entire monthly income.

I guess it's just another way to keep life interesting.

Last week, we had a curbside eviction- meaning that the people were evicted for not paying their rent, they were given plenty of time to get out of the apartment, and then a final notice giving them an additional 24 hours to get out. At that time, since they were STILL there, a court officer came to stand by while some of our staff put all of their belongings on the curb. Usually when that happens, the neighbors will go through all the things left on the curb and leave the tenants with almost nothing. Sometimes it is a sad situation, but usually it isn't. We do everything in our power to stop it from coming to that point. But some people refuse to do anything to help themselves even when there is help our there to get them out of a rough situation.


These particular people thought they had out-smarted us by changing their locks. But we can easily solve that by taking the door apart. Once our maintenance people were inside the apartment, they found a pet bird flying around, and some sort of lizard. A rescue group was called to come get the pets. I thought that was the end of the story on the pets. Until this week...

A new tenant came in and signed a lease for an apartment in the same building. She excitedly took her key and went to her new apartment. As she went in, she was very surprised to find a pet bird flying around the apartment. Not only is she afraid of birds that fly around indoors, but I had just explained our "no pets" policy in that building. I never expected to get a call from someone saying "I love my apartment, but could you have someone come get the pet bird out of there?".

Sometimes I wonder what some of the maintenance people are thinking.

disclaimer: our regular maintenance person was not part of this decision. This is what happens when we let one of the substitute maintenance guys make the decisions....LOL

Bad Day

she refused to go to school because she didn't like her clothes. he spent the morning yelling at me for feeling hurt by something. they didn't complete the work that was supposed to be done. she was not fulfilling her job duties, causing extra work for me. he undervalued my professional worth. i was being pulled in too many directions. she ran towards the road while a car was coming. they were having a fight when I got home from what felt like a long day.

yeah, I've had better days.

It's Not Fair

Several years ago there was an injustice against me. Someone told lies, made accusations and destroyed parts of my life. It has been four and a half years, and it still affects me on a regular basis. My innocence doesn't matter. The lies seem to have won over the truth, over and over.

I thought I knew where God wanted to use me, but He has not opened the door for that. I am needed, yet not accepted. I don't know what else I am supposed to be learning through this.

God, open my eyes to what you want me to gain from this dragging on and on. Heal my wounds and have mercy on those who caused them.

Check out this Woman's Conference that has been created to help us embrace our different seasons of beauty for years to come. October 12-13, 2012.

Last week, on Facebook, I noticed a few people posted the following quote: "I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue"

I know it's meant to be funny. But I think it actually shows weakness and selfishness. If you were stronger, you could hold your tongue. If you weren't being selfish, you wouldn't need to force your opinions and judgments on other people.

Holding your tongue when you would rather speak your mind takes discipline and maturity. Something we could all stand to do more of.

A few weeks ago we did a little bit of shopping and came back with a couple Christmas presents for Roxy. Later that night I walked into my room to find that Roxy had somehow sensed that there was something for her in the shopping bags, and snooped until she found her favorite toy.

She tore the packaging off and was happily chewing on her new toy. When she saw me, she gave me a look like "this is my new toy- please don't take it".
She is so cute!

I've always struggled with fitting in. It's as though I've never been quite enough. I can't quite get tied in to anything that seems to matter. It seems that everyone around me has something going for them; they are gifted in something, they found their purpose in life, etc.

Must be nice.

Contentment

It's easy to always wish that something about life was different. Is there ever a time in life when everything is perfect and you don't wish for something else?


You know what? I think my life is pretty much perfect right now.


Sure, my kids fight and misbehave sometimes.... but I am so blessed to have them. They are healthy They really are well behaved most of the time. I enjoy them, and I enjoy having a front row seat on watching them grow up and being such a big part of it. What more could I ask for?


Sure, it would be nice to have more money... but all of our needs have always been provided for. We have dependable vehicles that are paid for. We have a comfortable house in a nice, safe area. We are able to enjoy some extras like going to concerts, going camping, being in sports, etc. What more could I ask for?


I have found myself feeling discontentment in my marriage at times. But I have a husband who loves me. He is not perfect. But the more I find myself striving to be the perfect wife, the more I see him behaving as a perfect husband. What more could I ask for?


Contentment is a state of mind. A choice. You can choose to be annoyed or unfulfilled about nearly anything in life. But you can also choose to find the blessings in the same things: Do you wish you didn't have to go grocery shopping or spend time cooking? How lucky for you to have food available and the money to buy it (there are lots of people in other parts of the world living in poverty with no access to food or clean water). Do you wish you didn't have to get up and go to work? How blessed you are to have a job (there are so many people out of work right now). You are lucky to have a house to clean, a car to fix and put gas in, dishes to wash, a fridge to clean, a house to fix up.


It doesn't always come naturally, but I choose joy.

Trying to lose weight makes me crazy. I wish I could say I just mean that figuratively. I don't.

I've been trying to lose weight for ages. I've been working really hard since March. Unfortunately, I haven't lost much more than my mind. It's like I'm on a roller coaster ride...

Sometimes I'm upbeat, excited and positive about the whole thing. A great "I can do this" attitude.

Other times, I feel like I can't do anything. I work out and I feel like I'm going to die. I look at myself in the mirror and feel like it's hopeless. It seems to come so easily for other people and not for me. Well meaning people have all sorts of suggestions that just don't work- for me, anyway.

I wish I just didn't care. *Sigh*

"For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world-rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12

I can relate this to many things in my life. Being falsely accused. Struggles with family harmony. Grandparents who interfere in the upbringing of our children. Government. Work. Etc.

What a great reminder that when we are having problems with things in life, there is more to it than just the problem itself.

There are people in our lives that we dearly love, but due to their behavior, we have decided to start spending less time with them. I know it's the right decision for now. But this verse helps me see that the struggle we are having with them isn't just with them. It's bigger than that. This verse helps the situation feel less painful.

Stinky People

Why do so many people stink?

I can't even tell you the number of times that we have had customers in our office stinking up the place- several times. every. single. day.

When the customer finally leaves, the secretary and I will bid them farewell with a friendly smile. We wait for the door to latch behind them. Then we look at each other to see who is going to grab the Febreze air freshener first. Let's not ever forget to buy that stuff when we order office supplies- it is super important!

How can so many people not know that they stink?

We were discussing whether it is body odor or a dirty clothes smell. I can understand that there are some cases where those living in poverty may not be able to wash their clothes on a regular basis (launder mats get expensive!). But what about those who just don't bother to clean themselves? A bar of soap is cheap! But guess what? We have seen where some tenants prefer to use their bathtub as a storage area. Can you imagine?!

There was a tenant who mentioned- after living in her place for over a year- that her shower wasn't working right. So we send someone over there to take a look, and they find that the tub is packed full of boxes. Then she mentioned that she has never been able to use it, ever since she moved there (it was a different landlord when she moved in, BTW). It seems that her inability to take a bath or shower just wasn't a big enough deal for her to bother mentioning to anyone during the first year. I hear that her apartment smelled just like you would imagine. She no longer lives there. And the house is for sale now...LOL. Apparently, Febreze just isn't going to solve that particular smell.

(names in this story may have been changed to protect identity...)

I recently met a man with a touching and heart breaking real life story. He was applying to rent one of our homes, and explained that he was looking for a place for himself and his four kids- 2 teens and 2 toddlers. I started asking specific questions about his living situation, trying to determine if he needed a 2 or a 3 bedroom unit (if he has all 4 kids full time, etc). He explained that he does in fact have all the kids full time because his wife is in CA dealing with some problems in becoming a citizen.

I asked him if there was a reason she couldn't deal with those issues from Michigan? Unfortunately, yes there is...

Her name is Maria. She came to California before her first child was born. She was here legally with a work visa (?). She has spent most of her adult life here working and trying to make a good life for here and her kids. She paid a lawyer to help get her citizenship, and thought everything was all set. Soon, she met my new friend Anthony, fell in love, got married and started a family with him. She wanted to make sure that everything really was legal with her citizenship. That's when everything went wrong. Apparently, that lawyer who helped her didn't really help her. He did what many lawyers helping immigrants do, took the money and did nothing. So it turns out that there was a couple months of lapse between when her visa expired and when she got married, meaning that she was unknowingly here illegally during that time. An investigation started and now she is having all sorts of problems becoming a citizen, even though she is married to an American, and all four of her kids are citizens. Last year she was detained in a prison camp while our government decides if she can stay or if she will be deported. Her youngest would have been about 6 months old at the time.

Anthony tells me that they were allowed to go see here once per week. The older toddler would cry the whole time they were there. Can you imagine how that must feel to the mother who has been taken away from her children? The one time per week that she sees them, he is so distraught by the situation that he just cries.

As the legal battle continued to drag on, Anthony decided that he needed to move back to Michigan to have the support of his family. I'm sure it is difficult to afford the cost of living in CA on one income, and on top of that he was suddenly raising 2 teens and 2 toddlers on his own.

He told me about how much he loves all of the kids, and about how difficult it is to raise them all on his own. He told me how much more he respects all that Maria had done- working, caring for the kids all day, keeping the house clean. He said he knows now that she worked much harder than he ever gave her credit for.

I asked him how much longer until this might get resolved. The soonest that it could happen is in March. that's the next court date. If it goes well, she could get out and come back to be with her family again as a citizen. Or, it could keep getting delayed with more court dates and more waiting periods. All while her kids keep growing up without her and keep needing a mom. It could go on for 5 years, or she could just get deported at any time if that's what they decide.

Maria cries a lot. How could she not? I can't even imagine being able to handle such an awful situation. It's like a nightmare come true. All because she wanted to check and make sure that everything was done correctly and legally.


I told Anthony that I would be praying for this situation. Please join me in praying...
-for Maria and her sadness in not being with the kids, and also that this will all come to an end in March and she will be released as a citizen to come live with her family again.
-for Anthony as he struggles to raise all the kids on his own for now, and for the difficulties he faces both financially and emotionally.
-for the kids as they struggle to live a stable life without their mother. for fear of the unknown. For teenagers who may really need their mother's influence in their lives right now, and who have had to adjust to their step dad as the only parent. For toddlers who may be too young to even remember their mom right now, that they will adjust to having her back with open arms with minimal emotional scarring.

A while back, there was a tenant that decided she no longer needed to pay rent. She kept living there, but she wouldn't return calls or answer her door, etc. During an inspection, the apartment was found to be extremely unkept with food out all over the kitchen rotting, complete with maggots. Nice.

A few days later, the collection worker was in the neighborhood and noticed that the tenant was home. As usual, she did not answer the door when he knocked. The downstairs tenant came out and confirmed that she was in fact home, but suddenly got quiet and stopped moving around as soon as our worker came to her door. At that point, he noticed that the dead beat tenant had a vehicle from the car lot he used to work for. Logical reasoning told him that if she wasn't paying her rent, she probably wasn't paying her car payment either. So he made a quick call to his former coworker to inquire about the vehicle in question. Sure enough, payments were very past due, and they did not have any current contact info.

In just a short time, the collection person watched the vehicle being repossessed. The tenant continued to hide.

A BAT!

We have an especially needy tenant at work. She calls nearly every day for any thing she can think of, whether it is real or imaginary. She is the type who can't figure out how to screw in her own light bulbs.

On Saturday, she started calling the emergency maintenance line at 6:48 a.m. She needed someone to come over immediately to take care of her emergency. Turns out there was a bat in her house.

Granted, it's no fun to have a bat in your house, but I don't think it qualifies as an emergency for your landlord rush over either.

After dealing with this frantic tenant on the phone on and off all weekend, we did send a maintenance person over to try to locate the bat on Monday morning. Of course, it isn't easy to locate a bat during the day. You can't just call for it to come out and expect it to appear, you know? After looking for it without any luck, the maintenance man was ready to go on to his next appointment. But NO, this lady would not let him leave until he found the bat.

At this point, the other maintenance man calls to check on the progress. After hearing that Ms. Crazy won't let our guy leave until the bat is found, he heads over to "help".

Ms. Crazy insists the bat is behind the fridge where they have already looked to no avail. So they go ahead and pull the fridge out again to look. Guy 1 takes out his wallet and tosses it on the floor without her noticing. Guy 2 dives on the floor with a bag and captures the wallet. "I got it!" he announces. They put the fridge back and quickly exit with the "bat" in the bag, and Ms. Crazy is happy.

Sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do...LOL.

These pictures are a little over due. We went blueberry picking for the first time ever in August. We had a blast. We picked about 22 pounds of blueberries. That should last us a few months, at least... Once Kaden found out that he was allowed to eat them, he was hooked. I'm sure he weighed more when we left.Kaylee enjoyed the berries as well. She seemed to want to sample berries from every bush. She wasn't super focused on actually filling the bucket.
Rae Ann did a better job. She spent a lot of time going from bush to bush, but she did manage to get a fair amount of berries into the bucket. Andrew did a great job. Poor kid doesn't even like blueberries. Maybe that helped him fill his bucket- he wasn't wasting time eating them like the rest of us were...LOL. I found that all the berries on each bush tasted the same. So, if you find a spot where you like the taste of the berries, stay in that spot.Tony made blueberry pancakes for us the next morning. Yummy!

After we got done picking the berries, we got to go visit with a couple of horses. I forgot to get pictures of them.