Saturday, October 21, 2006

10/21/06
When was the last time you prayed for more than 5 minutes?
Hmm… It’s been quite awhile, to be honest. It’s not that I avoid praying. I usually have little snippets of prayer all day long. That is how I include God in my life; I take Him with me. But as far as having a really long, meaningful talk with Him, I am ashamed to say that I can’t remember the last time that happened. The only times I spend really extended amounts of time talking to God is when things are really bad. When I have really gotten myself into a deep hole, that is when I suddenly want to be close to God- so He will help me. Geez, how screwed up is that? What kind of a friend am I to only seek Him out when I need Him? And anyways, I always need him. It’s just that sometimes (usually) I think I can handle things on my own without having to go to Him and begging for his help.

Furthermore, I just explained how “I include God in my life”. Isn’t that a bit backwards? For “me to include Him in my life”, it infers that I am the one in control. Intellectually, I know that I am not the one in control. God is. But how do I turn that intellectual knowledge into heart knowledge? I don’t truly own that concept with all of my being, and I don’t know how to get to that place where I do.

I have trusted Him completely before. It was absolutely wonderful, and it worked out better that I could have ever done myself (duh…). I felt closer to him at that time than I ever have before or since. So why am I not still in that place? How on earth did I let myself start drifting again?

I guess on some level, I know the answer to that question. I haven’t been spending the time with Him that I should be. I have been spending much less time in the Word lately, and also less time in prayer. I need to start making myself read the bible every day again, and also make an effort to pray more.

I feel ashamed to say that I need to make myself spend more time with God. But it’s the truth. I owe it to Him and to myself.

4 comments:

Jerry DePoy Jr. said...

Yes, so true! The Bible also says to "pray without ceasing". In other words - your "snippets" of prayer throughout the day, maybe just the kind of on-going conversation that God longs for.

Keep it up!

See you in a few hours...

Amy Jo said...

Thanks for being honest about where you are with God and where you are going. It helps others to look at where they are and really evaluate their walk with God.

Digging into the word daily is something that really helps us in all areas of our lives and yet for me I go through times where it is the last thing I think about doing in my day. Lets change this!

Also Thanks for all the encouragement!

Jer & Liz Nyenhuis said...

Thanks to your post, I can honestly say about 30 minutes ago!!!

Jerry DePoy Jr. said...

Are you still alive?